so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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