i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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