Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
