He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
