She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize