my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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