I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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