How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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