Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
