Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
