i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize