So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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