I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize