I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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