god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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