dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
