just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
