you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
