I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
