he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
