The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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