Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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