I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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