I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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