im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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