So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
