thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
