i barfeds in our rink
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
