nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
