porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
