wanna go halves on a baby?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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