after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
