so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
