That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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