so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
