I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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