is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
