I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
