11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
