woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
