i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
