She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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