ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am one with the molecules
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
