Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize