Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
