dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
