Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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