I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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