did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
