You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I want to be your penis for a week.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
