apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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