Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
