can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
