The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
