I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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