I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
