its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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