If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
