ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
