I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
