We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
