After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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