Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
