even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
