I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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