i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
