VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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