i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
