i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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