oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
