I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
