I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
