Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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